Today was the first day of my job. I failed. Seriously. They told me this was a discouraging job, and it certainly is. The campuses I chose, were dead, I was stuck in traffic for half the day, I spilled my pretzels all over the car, I drove in to ghetto Paterson, I lost my phone in the car seat, I got lost on my run, I still can't decide where to live and on and on and on. It was not a good day. Sorry, this is turning into a whining session, but I needed to vent to something.
Life works like this: you jump into a life that's totally new and you hit this mountain that seems almost impossible to climb. You walk up and down the side of it searching for a small rock or branch to grab on to that will start to make your climb a little bit easier. Once you find it and you start to climb. Now you know what paths to look for and you gradually ascend the mountain. The farther you move up the mountain, the easier it gets. It's just getting in that rhythm, finding that routine. You hate it now, but, eventually, its becomes normal.
That was my life at home. I hated it at first. I had no friends and no purpose, but it got better, slowly but surely. In months, the magic number is six. In six months you will most definitely be in the routine and happy. You just have to suffer for a bit to get there. Suffering, though, makes you stronger and, ultimately, a better person. I figure, commuting in New Jersey will make me the most patient person ever. I am going to be killer mom.
Maybe I didn't fail as much as I thought. Something about writing out frustrations makes the world better. Tomorrow is another day.
You are going to be a "killer mom" for sure ;)
ReplyDeleteI'm encouraged by your positive outlook. Keep up the good work!
And sometimes, you see that rock or branch just sitting there, waiting for you to grab hold, but you're too scared to do it. So you keep pacing, looking for something different, trying to avert your eyes from the other rock. I think the first step, that first big heave upward is the hardest.
ReplyDeleteYou’re changing lives already, Erin! You’re amazing! I, too, am encouraged by your positive outlook.
Thank you both. Just hearing that is encouraging.
ReplyDelete1. I find it quite ironic that you said you were going to be a "killer mom" when the sole purpose of your job is to prevent "killer moms".....morbid thought....but it made me laugh haha
ReplyDelete2. You are SO right about the 6 month thing.
3. Next time will be better....it always is
haha! I was just trying to be creative with words :) I guess I failed at that too!
ReplyDelete